Nice Guy Syndrome: Follow the Three T's

The rules for overcoming nice guy syndrome require practice, but they're simpler than you think.

It's a classic problem among guys.  Some of us are "too nice" to get a girlfriend or to get a woman really interested in a romantic or intimate relationship.  A few simple words--"too nice," or the kiss of death in dating, "let's just be friends"--can really drive a caring, supportive, sensitive guy up the wall.  WHY would a woman want to be with a guy who uses and abuses her, who doesn't care a whit about connecting with her as a human being?  A guy who's only after one thing?  A jerk?

Sometimes "nice guy syndrome" isn't about who you are...it's about what you're not doing .

Yes, some girls are shallow and don't recognize a good guy when they see one. But it's more important for your progress in dating that you improve your own game , your own presentation to women.

If you're a nice guy, the problem might be that you're not doing something you should be doing. You're not doing things to "turn a woman on," or get her to long for intimacy with you. You're not doing things to stand out from all the other guys and really make an impression on her.

Fortunately, this can be fixed! But it will require you to step outside of your comfort zone and do things you're not used to doing with women. (Hey, nothing worth having comes easy, right?) The great thing about dating is, you can practice little by little with attractive women you meet. You don't have to conquer Rome in one day. As you practice, your confidence will increase and you'll find yourself more successful at dating before you know it.

The Three T's for Overcoming "Nice Guy Syndrome"

1. Touch her.

Nice guys tend to be shy and respect a girl's space a little bit too much. But what you might not realize is that women want to be touched in non-offensive ways by guys they like. If she's on a date with you, she likes you enough to at least consider getting closer to you. So why not help her along?

Try your best not to be nervous; if you are, your touch might come off as awkward or even mildly creepy! But just calm yourself down and try to make it naturally flow out of the conversation. You can start by things such as putting your hand on the small of her back as you walk through doors, touching her on the shoulder when you share a laugh, giving her a hug when you meet her. What this will accomplish is getting her accustomed to your touch, so that she'll be more receptive to "closer" touching later (like holding hands and kissing). And you definitely want to kiss her at some point within the first two dates if the chemistry is right. If you've been preparing her for that step by using the power of touch, you'll know just when to do it.

2. Tease her.

It's a fact. Women like playful teasing. It's probably the most effective form of flirting . It's a strong display of confidence and a sense of humor...two things that are extremely attractive. What's more, it makes them feel comfortable and relaxed around you.

Two of the symptoms of "nice guy syndrome" are either:

• Falling too hard, too fast for a woman, or

• Trying your very best not to mess things up.

As a result, nice guys tend to take on a "formal" tone, give too many compliments, put women on a pedestal. Unfortunately, this behavior is boring to women. They actually want to have fun with the guys they date. You can do this by simply flavoring your conversation with a little teasing.

It's a specific kind of humor women are into: the type where the guy seems to be slightly arrogant and makes fun of the woman for not being savvy or sophisticated enough for him. It's important not to overdo it, but a little bit every once in a while will probably be well received.

Have one of these statements in mind to help you get into that flirtatious mood:

• "You're my bratty little sister."

• "You're really into me, aren't you? You just can't help yourself."

• "Women just like me. I can't help myself."

• "I'm so comfortable and relaxed around you, I'll treat you just like a guy friend."

Don't say those things directly, but have them in the back of your mind so that whenever you feel like it, you can reply with a witty statement and a sly smile that let's her know you're joking. It can even be extended into touching with simple things

It also helps to remember: she's not the only cool, attractive woman in the world, so it's a mistake to fall too hard for her within a few dates. Even if you really like her, keep yourself a little emotionally attached by flirting with her through teasing.

Turn down the "romance" and turn up the "fun" around women you're attracted to. Playful flirting leads to romance more often than you think.

3. Be tough around her.

First of all, I'm not saying you should be needlessly aggressive or only push your agenda around women. At best it's a turn-off, and at worst it can lead to criminal charges.

What I am saying is that women aren't attracted to guys they don't respect. Often, they'll test a guy in subtle ways to see how much he'll stand up for himself, to see how masculine he is. The typical nice guy response is to "give in."

Don't do this. Set yourself apart. Stand up for yourself and say loud and clear if she's done something that you don't agree with.

Part of this is also having a nonchalant attitude. If you're having a casual conversation about preferences or tastes in music, art, hobbies, etc. and you disagree with something, say so; don't pretend to agree. (Don't be disagreeable for the sake thereof, but make your own opinions known once in a while, even if they differ from hers. Your opinions are just as valuable.) If she "flakes" on you by cancelling a date for no apparent reason, just be cool about it. Don't get upset. This kind of "toughness" is also attractive to women; it shows them that you're stable and able to protect them in the long run without being swayed by external events too much.

Here's an Easy Bonus "T" for You...

Stand tall.

One of the quickest, easiest effective things that will change the way women look at you for the better is proper posture and body language. Women are wired to be more attracted to men who stand/sit straight up (regardless of your height, it's about displaying strong, confident posture), who walk at a comfortable, deliberate pace, and who look them in the eye when talking to them. Make these aspects of good body language part of your persona, and there will definitely be a difference in the way women see you. You will even start to feel more confident by doing this.

Want to know a little secret for naturally improving your body language? (I'm really giving it away today, aren't I...) Exercise . Hit the gym regularly, make sure you're exercising properly , and you'll soon reap the benefits of improved posture.

All in all, the key is not to overdo these things.  I repeat: don't overdo them and let them take over your true personality.  In fact, they should be helping to reveal more of your personality by making you more fun and less inhibited.  But do have this list in the back of your mind, and practice making them part of who you are when you go out on dates.  You'll find yourself more successful and women will be more attracted to you before you know it.